suggest a fight

Despite the vast number of potential opponents queuing up for their chance to tackle the toughest man in contemporary English fiction, we here at Could They Beat-Up China Miéville like to give the people what they want. So if there’s anyone you’d like to see squaring off to Mr. Miéville then contact us at the addresses below or in the comments thread of this page and we’ll see what we can do, our own senses of humour and taste allowing…






  1. China Mieville vs M. John Harrison.

    Seriously. This would be some zues vs. chronos shit. M. John Harrison climbs up a shear cliff face, and throws cats at China, while china gives a speech about how awsome Harrison is.


  2. Nina says:

    Hemingway. OK, so he’s been dead for a gajillion years, but the contrast and strange similarities between their styles would be cool, and Hemingway was in a few fights in his day so there’s the slight possibility of an upset.

  3. Catherine says:

    Slavoj Zizek. Just because.

  4. Ciara says:

    Elmo. I always had a suspicion he had an evil ninja streak…

  5. TJ Erickson says:

    Cthullu. And my money is on Mieville.

  6. PrintHead, Brooklyn, NY says:

    Donald Rumsfeld. (Ten bucks on Miéville, BTW.)

  7. Zerbert says:

    Grant Morrison

  8. Neil Easterbrook says:

    Sarah Palin, please.

  9. Mark Bould says:

    Jeff Monson

  10. Beth says:

    Tad Williams
    Iain Banks
    Stephen King

  11. Neil Gaiman, obviously.

  12. Ann Rose says:

    Samuel “Chip” Delany, Jr. Or an Ernie and Bert tag team. Whichever.

  13. Beth Johnson says:

    Chuck. Norris.

    China should make him cry so his tears can actually be used to cure cancer. We know Chuck’s been holding out. Selfish bastard.

  14. Dave Young says:

    I think Mr. Mieville versus Vinnie Jones (as Bullet Tooth Tony in Snatch) would make for an interesting match…but I’d REALLY like to see him square off against the Killer Rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Bring it, you furry little bastard! Haha

  15. Lauren says:

    Ryan Giggs. No way a piffling superinjunction would stop the mighty Mieville…

  16. Andy says:

    Jeremy Clarkson (or any of the top gear guys really)
    Anderson Cooper.
    Captain Kirk.

  17. China Miéville versus Truman Capote. Or, if that’s too likely to break large parts of the Multiverse with its cognitive dissonance, then Billy Gibbons, of ZZ Top.

  18. Steve Feasey says:

    Mieville vs Wile E Coyote. I suspect it’ll be a close shave, but the world needs to know who will triumph in this clash of titans.

  19. Mat says:

    Mr. Punch. The crookback’s beaten up his wife and kids, hung the hangman, and killed the Devil. Let’s see how he fares against some China justice!

  20. Anonymous says:

    Bert from Sesame Street. If you’ve ever come across ‘Bert is Evil’, you will understand of what i speak.

  21. Anonymous says:

    China Mieville versus Mr. Clean

  22. Anonymous says:

    Neal Stephenson and/or William Gibson!! For obvious reasons….

  23. Michel Dagebert says:

    China Mieville vs the nouminous

  24. Michel Dagebert says:

    Also China Mieville versus Facebook, since this did actually happen

  25. Phil says:

    Just stumbled upon this site – Love it! This is so funny because after reading Perdido Street Station and Mieville’s bio, I was SHOCKED to see his photo and have been telling people of this strange dichotomy ever since! It is now my mission, after combing through this site, to come up with a worthy opponent for Dr. Mieville.

  26. The Sea says:

    China Mieville versus his arch-villains from Kraken: Goss and Subby.

  27. Phil says:

    China Mieville vs Keyser Söze

  28. Nicole says:

    I would love to see a fight between China and Neil deGrasse Tyson–fantasy v. hard science! Or, perhaps between China and Michel Houellebecq…although I suppose Houellebecq would win by forgetting to show up?

  29. Anonymous says:


  30. Anonymous says:

    The gun toting vampire dark fantasy writer Laurell K. Hamilton who essentially is her heroine Anita Blake 🙂

  31. Angela says:

    Rush Limbaugh

  32. Jóhann says:

    China Miéville vs China Miéville

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