China Miéville was trying to work when a thick THUD THUD THUD shook through him, as if something were being bounced against the back of his seat. He paused for a moment, but the feeling didn’t recur. A few minutes later, settled again into work, the THUD THUD THUD landed again, this time more heavily, more insistently. Frustrated, he dropped his pen onto the small fold-our desk, and turned around to ask whoever was kicking his seat if they would kindly stop.
Behind him sat Roberto Mancini, manager of Manchester City football club who stopped abruptly, his hands poised and ready to throw a football forward.
“Please Mr. Miéville,” he said, “you’re excellent yet accessible prose is luring people away from their slavish devotion to football.” Seeing that his desperate plea had fallen on baffled ears he stood. “I’m sorry it had to come to this…”
Roberto Mancini put two fingers to his mouth and whistled impossibly loudly and throng of footballers in light-blue tracksuits flooded the cabin each attempting to brandish their plastic cutlery menacingly…
Sure that even he could not prevail against such odds China Miéville leapt from his seat to the cabin door and pulled. There was no give. As the spork-wielding squad approached he redoubled his efforts. The handle moved. Grabbing on to the nearest seat China Miéville watched as the team were pulled out into the sky by the violent decompression.
Roberto Mancini was the last to go, and his screams could not be heard above the howl of the wind.
WINNER: CHINA MIÉVILLE